I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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