community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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