I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
