she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
