all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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