Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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