First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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