Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
