Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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