what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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