$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
