Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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