I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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