I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
