You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
