i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
