actually, I'm a sock model
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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