Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
