Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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