yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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