Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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