i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
