i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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