In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
