I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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