I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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