Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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