Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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