Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
