oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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