either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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