Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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