Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
