Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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