You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
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No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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