the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
