They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
