coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
