The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
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dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
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In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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