Do you still have your period?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
