ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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