Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
