I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
