The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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