Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
