dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
