i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
