I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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