I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
