Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
