I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
