If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
