coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
