I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
