she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
