I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
