i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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