Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
foreskin is a definite game changer
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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