Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
