I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
meet me or not, i'm out of control
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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