I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
