i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
