Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
