We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
