I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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