Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
