You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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