he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
