I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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