There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
