I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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