He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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