Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
