I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
