You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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