Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Boobs are out for the taking
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
