we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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