Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
