He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
