Don't you send me to vm
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize