Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
