i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
