2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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