i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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