Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
