ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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