why didn't you poke me back
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
