the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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