You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
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I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
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Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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