saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
