Kiss
Puke
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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