Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
