I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
