wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize