YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
