mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
