he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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