so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
