This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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